[00:00:12.260] – Speaker 2
Well, everyone, I’m Chris Tompkins. Welcome to the Shaping Our World podcast. My goal is to invite you into a conversation that will leave you more confident in understanding and inspiring the young people in your life. Each episode, we talk with leading experts and offer relevant resources to dive deeper into the world of our youth today. Today, we have Jessica Janzen on the show. This is actually the second time we’ve had Jessica as a guest on the podcast, because after her first interview, we realized that she has so much more to offer our listeners, and it’s no wonder. She wears so many hats. Jessica is a keynote speaker, a mindset coach, a philanthropist, an advocate, a joy expert, an entrepreneur, and an author who lives in Calgary, Alberta, with her husband and kids. Last time we spoke about resilience because Jess is a case study on resilience after having dealt with difficult issues in her teenage years and then the loss of her infant son as an adult. We also spoke about her book, Bring the Joy, which focused on how she’s been able to lead a more joyful life. This time, however, we really want to dial in on mindset and how we can help foster a positive mindset in our kids, which is a topic I think a lot of parents will be interested in exploring.
[00:01:27.360] – Speaker 2
I can’t wait for you to drop in and listen our conversation. It’s so enthusiastic and Jess has so much to offer. So without further ado, let’s dive into the conversation. Jess, it’s great to have you. Thank you.
[00:01:42.180] – Speaker 1
I’m so excited to be here.
[00:01:43.550] – Speaker 2
It’s great to have you back.
[00:01:44.940] – Speaker 1
You know what? On my goal, I’m going for a hat-trick here. Hopefully it goes so good. You’ll be back for a third time, and then you’ll invite me back to be a camp counsellor, and I can go have some fun.
[00:01:55.520] – Speaker 2
Yeah. Those of you who haven’t listened to the first one and are just joining in now, Jess and I have worked at summer camp together in the past, and I’ve known each other years back. We won’t date how old either of us are in that. So you’ll hear maybe some camp references in our conversation And so normally we ask what shaped your world going off of our intro and the theme of our show. But when you think back growing up, can you think of a childhood story or memory that really encapsulated just what it was like to grow up as Jess.
[00:02:35.100] – Speaker 1
We have this inside ongoing family joke that I always play the, I was so hard done by the only girl growing up on a farm, not in the city. With that, I always tell the story. Roni, my now husband, whose nickname is Hot Roni, he always brings this up at family events or with certain friends that know that I was born and raised in a farm because I would tell him the story that my dad and my mum were so hardcore. It was like, before you could have a play date, we couldn’t just bike to our friend’s house because we lived on this rural farm. Then if we did want to have friends over, my dad always made us have these chores and do all of this. I was like, I didn’t just get to bike to the local slurpy shop or convenience store. My dad made us hoe. We planted all of these willow trees. We needed a shelter belt because they had so much snow blowing into the yard. We did this big family project. For the first couple of years, we had to hoe them to keep the weeds out. Then my dad would bring on a water trailer.
[00:03:35.960] – Speaker 1
It was like this. I was so hard done by. My girlfriend that would come over if I wanted a playdate, one of my only friends would come over. We’re still friends to this day. We’ve been friends since we were four, and we were talking about this. I was just like, Do you remember how hard that was? We couldn’t just ever have a play date. We always had to work and do chores and be responsible. She burst out laughing. She’s like, Yeah, Jess, but your dad paid us, and he paid us really well, so stop complaining. We were dying laughing because we met when we were four. We’re now 40. I will tell you how old I am. But I think the lesson that shaped who I was was that the hard work pays off. And for me, I learned that lesson in a really valuable way, being able to be raised on a farm where you couldn’t just… I mean, the reference of, Oh, just shut your laptop and your work day is done. And now we know that we’re more connected than ever. So it is really Even if you do physically shut your laptop, your phone is most likely pinging and there’s 17 different platforms to check or people to get a hold of or to message on.
[00:04:40.720] – Speaker 1
And so in terms of shaping who I am and how I’m wired and what I love to do and how I operate now was definitely growing up on a farm and having work. And not just work, work, work, but I think just all of the values that come with starting what you complete, making, Hey, well, the sun is shining, involving other people, not having to do it on your own. I’m so grateful for those lessons that I learned.
[00:05:05.880] – Speaker 2
What I’m hearing you say, Jess, is that if you were growing up today, you would have had the money for an Uber to your friend’s house if you could get one out to the farm. That’s what I’m- Totally. You might have been isolated, but you had the resources to get where you needed to get. That’s great. Well, as you were saying at the end, all the things that you learned and how it applies to your work today, you’re You’re a mum, a wife. You’ve got a thriving career. I’d just love to know before we get into all your work stuff, what is it that you’re interested in now? Is there a new hobby or interest that helps us get to understand your personal life?
[00:05:45.900] – Speaker 1
I love that. Just before we press record, we were talking about hobbies, and I was like, Yeah, pickleball. Then if I’m being a thousand % honest, I haven’t played pickleball since March, which has been a couple of months. I love the sport because those that can’t tennis can pickleball. It’s one of the fastest-growing sports in North America. I love it because it’s from age 70 to 70. I mean, 80 or 90. I’ve played with some 80-year-olds, and they’re actually way better than myself. My dad is 70 and definitely gives me a run for my money, and I’m half his age. But I’ve loved pickleball because it’s a sport that at any age, and it feels so approachable. However, I would say I work a lot by choice. And then when I’m not working, I’m trying to be present with my family and keep the crazy chaos of raising kids and being a wife and a good community member. So I don’t get to do it as often as I like. But definitely, fitness is a really important part of life. And for me, making those moments and hobbies, it’s not a new hobby, but it’s definitely something that I focus on.
[00:06:48.040] – Speaker 1
If I’m not working, it’s like how I’m incorporating fitness or movement into my world.
[00:06:52.240] – Speaker 2
Well, to be a little fair to you, the climate in which you live might not be as conducive as some places in the world to playing pickleball in the winter/spring.
[00:07:05.440] – Speaker 1
Totally. But the exciting news is Calgary, I think, it’s four or five brand new facilities, and all of them are competing to be the biggest indoor pickle cool court, newest spot to go. But we are so fortunate because we’ve just had all these new facilities open up. So there’s a tonne of more indoor courts, which is great. And we have one within walking distance of our house, so that’s pretty cool.
[00:07:28.960] – Speaker 2
Yeah. So to flip the script back on you as you spend tonnes of time as a coach and speaker. It sounds to me like, Jess, you need to find some time to book some pickleball before we get too far into the rest of today. So that’s your homework for today.
[00:07:42.790] – Speaker 1
I have noted it down.
[00:07:44.280] – Speaker 2
I have No doubts, but I’m just going to encourage you with that. So if we go to your website, and in the intro, we unpacked all the things that you do, that you clearly have a full plate and you’re working on a tonne of things in probably a lot of different sectors. But maybe just is there a highlight for you in this season of something that has really piqued your interest, something you’re working on, something that you find keeps coming up in your work?
[00:08:12.200] – Speaker 1
As you mentioned, I have chosen to put a lot of, we call it, kicking the soccer balls down the field as an analogy. I’ve chosen to invest in a bunch of different areas and not just be all in on one lane, of all in just on speaking. I speak, I get to coach, I do some cool influencer work, which I love, and there’s some awesome benefits and perks there. And then we also run our charity. And when I think about what’s piquing my interest and what continues to pique my interest, and I’ve shared a little bit about my journey on our last podcast, but because I’ve struggled with mental health since high school, and I’m so grateful for all the work that’s happened, I continue to love to study the brain. If I was to go back to school and maybe Choices were different. I wasn’t a very good student, and I really struggled. I’m understanding of a learning disability, dyslexic and ADHD. So I’m like, Oh, that would be why reading is so hard for me, and then focus on concentration. But when I think about all of That something that continues to reoccur because it applies in all the areas of all the different things that I’m focusing on and moving those balls down the field is the study of a healthy brain.
[00:09:28.180] – Speaker 1
And that affects not not just my professional world, but also my personal world and even in my family. As I’m navigating, raising a little girl, my daughter’s 10, and she also has ADHD. We’re waiting on a psyched assessment because I’m like, I think she might be dyslexic where she’s mixing up numbers and words and finding some of the learning challenging. And so that has been something, a reoccurring theme. And I love it because it’s the unlock to understanding how to break down barriers or to actually accomplish the goals that you set. And when you can understand how to keep your brain healthy, how the brain works, the thoughts that you have, how not every thought that you think is true, that for me has shifted so much of how I can show up in my work.
[00:10:12.800] – Speaker 2
Well, we want to dive into that today. But for those of you who are listening and we’re like, Oh, I missed that first episode. You can go back to Season 4. You may even want to push pause now if you want and check out our conversation. We have an amazing story into your journey and really focused on joyfulness and resilience and through some tragedy and your family and your charity and all that stuff. So great conversations on that, and it shapes a lot of what you’re doing. But on today’s show, I really want to focus more on your leadership coaching, the mindset work that you do. And so you coach a lot of leaders on how to change their mindset from a problem mindset to an unlimited possibilities mindset. Can you tell Tell us what a problem mindset is and what is an unlimited possibility mindset.
[00:11:06.260] – Speaker 1
It’s so funny. I had a call with somebody yesterday, and I used that line. I was like, Listen, Jordan, I believe that anything is possible. I’m like, Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’m like, I think if we’re both open to believing in that anything is possible, we can find a solution to this. It is so easy for us as humans to look for all of the evidence of all the things that aren’t working. And so when I talk about a problem mindset, and I think we all know these people, they continue to focus on all the things that aren’t working. And I’m not discounting the things that aren’t working Because trust me, I have them in my life as well. I wish I could be like, Oh, man, I’ve got it all figured out, and life is just a walk in the park and no issues over here. But my brain will default to listing all the things that aren’t working, listing all the ways that I failed, listing all the ways that I’ve missed the That’s what I call problem mindset. And in work, I think it’s so easy to be like, Oh, this isn’t working.
[00:12:05.180] – Speaker 1
My boss is this. This project is that. We don’t have this resource. We don’t have this budget. Oh, I keep coming up against this. And I love looking My mum was like, I believe anything’s possible for your life. And I think because she taught me that and continued to speak that truth into my life, it has allowed me to step into unlimited possibility. And limited possibility means you step into the belief that the goals that you have for your life are possible. And because you believe it, then you take the action. And when you can learn to take action on the things that feel impossible or maybe look impossible, you often create the evidence that you might not see in real time. And what your brain is doing is it has… Harvard has tonnes of studies out there. Average thoughts for humans are 60,000 thoughts a day, plus we’re processing 2 million bits data. And if you can learn to philtre out, I would call it the noise. I would call it the negative stuff, the things that don’t serve me. I’ve nicknamed my brain Larry. And in my coaching work that I do, I tell my clients to name their brain Because often my brain, Larry, doesn’t offer me really awesome things.
[00:13:21.700] – Speaker 1
And I have to be like, Larry, we’re not going there today. Because in seasons, in moments, in parts of my day, I want to quit. I want to throw in the towel. It’s too much being a mum working, then trying to pay the bills, be caring, help your kids philtre through their own emotions, you philtre through your own emotions, while also trying to eat the kale salad, getting 10,000 steps, make sure you have a weighted best, and then be a good community member while giving back, attending. The list is just crazy. And it was a lot simpler when I was growing up. And now there’s some amazing things that have happened with technology. That’s how we’ve been successful as a charity be through technology platforms, through social media. But it’s so much. And so your brain, my brain will just spiral. And I often want to quit the things that I’m doing because I’ll see the evidence of like, oh, you’re not growing fast enough. Oh, you missed it on that deal. Oh, someone said they didn’t want you as a speaker. Oh, your sponsor decided not to return for your charity. And so you’re like, I’m a failure.
[00:14:21.520] – Speaker 1
I suck. And you start to list those ways. And so if you can learn that the thoughts, not all of them are true, and you actually have the ability to choose what you believe. And what we believe is often the evidence that we’re looking at. And I always say, if you don’t have the evidence, then go create it. But that takes a healthy brain to be able to actively make those choices. And a big piece of that is the community aspect to it.
[00:14:46.420] – Speaker 2
I think this is definitely one of those topics that as we’re listening, I know I am going, yes, resonating, but it feels like this is one of those things that sometimes is easier said than done. So I want to into how we do this, but I want to focus on kids when we do that. But before we get to that, just before we leave that leadership adult world, what is the impact of making this shift on leadership leaders, our lives in general? What can we gain? I think sometimes to do the work to get there, we need to paint a picture of a future that we really want to live into. And so what are all the positive of making that shift? Anecdotally, I know them, but can you share us a little bit about that and maybe even a success story of someone you’re coaching? Totally.
[00:15:40.880] – Speaker 1
I’ll share two. I’ll share one personally because it’s so funny. I think even as a coach, you’re like, Oh, I can’t coach because my life’s not perfect. But the whole reason of why I coach and why I speak and do what I do is because I’m not afraid to share my messy, and especially the messy middle, and use myself as an example of, Here’s where this has been really hard. I’ve struggled with this. I’ve worked on this for however many years until I had my breakthrough. But in this, I worked on a project to implement newborn screening. So when kids are born in Canada, they get a heel prick. Most of the time, I didn’t even remember this because I think after giving birth to a child, no matter which way they come into the world, you’re exhausted, you’re tired, and slightly delusional because it takes a lot of energy and effort. But they do a tiny little heel prick. Your nurse comes in and collects blood, which then turns into these dry blood spots. Every province tests for different things. But when they’re collecting those, they send it off to a lab, and they’re testing for stuff like cystic fibrosis down syndrome, because if they can have early detection, you can often change the trajectory of a life.
[00:16:48.500] – Speaker 1
When my son was diagnosed with his rare genetic disease, and to catch people up, the long and the short of it is as my son was born, and then we didn’t have newborn screening, it wasn’t detected until his deterioration was so a year. Hands are passing away. So we were passionate because seven, eight months after my son passes, there was no treatments available. And seven or eight months after he passes, there was then treatment available. And we’re like, holy hot dog. If there’s treatments available, children, babies need this at birth because if you wait until deterioration, it’s not as effective. Kids that now are accessing treatment are running, walking, skating, surfing, skiing. It’s incredible. And so we had started to work on this project of implementing newborn screening. And for four years, I attended meetings with a group of people that said, No, not possible. We don’t have the resources. We don’t have the technology. We don’t have the budget. All they did was continue to find the problem. And it was crazy because I didn’t have a seat at the table. I don’t have a medical background. Some days I’m like, I barely passed college and high school.
[00:17:58.540] – Speaker 1
It’s a freaking miracle. I think people were just like, You’re nice. Let’s just make sure you move along. When I sat in these meetings, everyone was looking at all the reasons why it wouldn’t work. I used pain as rocket fuel, but what I did is I used my belief and I use the evidence of studies. I use the evidence of, here’s how it’s changing to continue to show up because it’s so easy to want to quit. I had this clear vision of, What would it be like for another family to not have to lose their son, for them to be able to access treatment. And I think in your life, whether you’re wanting to cure childhood cancer or you’re wanting for your family to be able to take four incredible adventures and you take four weeks off where you are totally present, everyone’s vision can look differently. But your brain won’t know what to do if you don’t have a clear vision. And the crazy part is your brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination. And that’s why it’s so powerful when people talk about manifestation. When I grew up, I taught manifestation was woohoo-y, and I almost think like not biblical.
[00:19:04.190] – Speaker 1
And now I’m just like, no, there’s the neuroscience behind it, and it’s about getting your energy and shifting into that. So if you can have that clear vision and you can step into the belief, the belief is what helps your brain then look for the evidence and helps you create that evidence. And when you have the evidence, you can continue to take action. And I think you can apply that model personally or professionally, whether you’re leading a team of 10,000 people globally or you’re a leader in your home. People are watching your actions and observing that. I can see now where people are like, well, how is it going to happen? We don’t have the money for that. That’s not possible. I’ve had lots of crazy dreams, and they often always take long hunger. That’s why I think also people quit, is because they don’t happen within the timeline. For myself, I was like, This project is really simple. You go get the machine, I’ll find you the budget, we’ll privately fund this, I’ll run the charity, I’ll raise the money, and all you have to do is get your scientists to Do what they do, prove the concept.
[00:20:01.660] – Speaker 1
The crazy part was, is when we were doing this, it was already happening all over the world. So it wasn’t like we were trying to prove something that had never been done. I was like, Just go do what the other people are doing. That’s so easy. They have the equipment and they figured out a way. And for four years, I sat in meetings where all they looked at was a problem. And the power was in holding belief and playing the long game. I just want to encourage people, if you have big goals, big dreams, play the long game because I bet you are so close to breakthrough. At one point, I just remember being like, why am I even in these meetings? These people are never going to get it. I’m so frustrated because it felt so simple, yet it was such a big hurdle. And after four years of being in these meetings, the testing and all of that, we then implemented in a province, then it went national. Every province now screens for it. And it just goes to show you, you don’t have to have all the qualifications. You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room.
[00:20:58.100] – Speaker 1
I think you just have to be the most determined willing to do whatever it takes. And that’s a work ethic piece. And the work ethic piece comes from belief.
[00:21:06.780] – Speaker 2
As I listen to that, obviously that’s important for all of us at any stage in life. But I’m now thinking towards kids today, growing up. And as parents or teachers or youth leaders, people who care about kids, you can see how this unfolds. When you say problems and dreaming for a future, it It’s not hard to see the world kids are swimming in today. There’s a lot of things that feel overwhelming, can be difficult. A lot of that’s natural growing up, but some of it is just the world in which we live in today. This is going to be hugely important for young people. So how do we start to train mindset, moving from this problem mindset to possibilities mindset for kids, and probably for ourselves. But if we focus on kids, I think there’s some gold you’ll have for us in here.
[00:22:03.740] – Speaker 1
The simplest thing that I can say, and I wish I came up with this, but go follow Dr. Daniel Amen. He’s a psychiatrist out of the state that has the most amount of research and data on studies being the human brain. And any one of his books I recommend, his podcasts, all of the work he does, it’s my favourite thing to consume because he makes it so practical. But one of the powerful pieces that he offers is at the end of the day, at night time, when you go to bed, ask yourself, what work today? And I’ve started asking my kids that because our lives are full and there’s a lot that does go wrong in the day. I miss the mark so much. I forget to send the email. I have a report sitting in my email draught to a client, and this is my own thing, but I just can’t press send on it. And it’s seven months late. They’re amazing and they’re amazing and they’re great. And I’m in my own head. And Then I focus on, I’ll go down the rabbit hole of like, Oh, you’re such an idiot. You’re such a screw up.
[00:23:05.660] – Speaker 1
What’s the matter with you? Then you’re also like, Oh, I said I was going to send this email, and I didn’t reach out to that person, and this is where I let my team down. Once you start going, it’s like going down to Debbie, downer town. But just as easily, you can ask the question of what worked today? And the powerful piece is if you’re going to bed and you ask yourself that, Hey, Larry, what worked today? Oh, man, I got to dinner with my kids. It was amazing. I made a home-cooked meal today. It doesn’t happen all the time, but I’m going to celebrate that win. We sat around the table, we had a connexion. I played this new fun game that I had ordered, and we played it for 15 minutes, but it was just great because I wasn’t distracted. Stuff like, Man, I took a big risk. I sent finally the email, or I sent an encouraging text to somebody I hadn’t talked to in eight months, and it felt good just to reach out to them and let them know that they were on my mind. So I started asking my kids that.
[00:23:59.090] – Speaker 1
I asked my to bring that because it’s a very dangerous slope to when you go down to Debbie, down to town and start looking for all the evidence. And what that’s doing is it’s training your brain to look for the evidence of what’s working. And I would just have an evidence jar in your home. I’m trying to get more schools to do this. And one school just implemented a Bring the Joy board. And in that, their goal is to catch kids bringing the joy because we can look for all the ways that we’re failing, but it’s just as easy to look for all the ways that we’re winning. And when you start to see more evidence, evidence builds more evidence. When you want to see muscle growth, it’s like, man, it’s way easier to not miss when you’ve seen the definition that you’ve been working for for two years because you’re like, man, I see the benefit of it, but often we quit because it doesn’t happen. Long enough. So that practise, and the other thing that I always encourage, and this is the other practises, is like, what are you grateful for? And in the gratitude, you got to get specific because that is training your brain to look for the little moments, and the little moments have the big impact.
[00:25:04.120] – Speaker 2
Those are so helpful. Do you think there’s any difference between how we might approach this with teenagers versus younger kids? I think the what might be the same, but is there a how or what would that look like when we start thinking of kids at all ages, and how young can we start this process?
[00:25:26.000] – Speaker 1
I mean, I’d start as young as you can. My little guy, we’ve been doing this He just turned six. He’s been doing it since he’s five. I’d love to say sooner, but I think that realistically five. I mean, asking your kids, Hey, what work today? And sometimes my little guy is like, Nothing work today. You know how kids are? I was like, Well, tell me the highlights. What was some of the best parts of the day? It might just be in how you reframe the question for children. For teenagers, I think they’re living in with all these pressures. It’s like, okay, maybe it’s not what worked because people like, Nothing worked today. Everything sucked. I mean, I have those days. I know that. But it’s like, Hey, did you see anything really cool that stood out for you today? Or like, Hey, did you witness anyone doing something really simple and kind or extraordinary? Just asking a bunch of questions that are open-ended and those connexion questions are a really powerful piece. Hey, is there one thing that mum did this week that really stood out that you really loved? It can just be about asking great questions.
[00:26:31.510] – Speaker 1
I didn’t know this, but silent and listen. Listen is the same word as silent, the same letters in it. I think it’s like we expect certain things, but we forget to be silent, to wait for right answers, and to let people come to it on their own. So we’re often trying to fill the gap and teach them and whatever. I just have to remind myself, sometimes I just have to shut my mouth and just be there to listen.
[00:26:53.300] – Speaker 2
So we’ve talked about camp, and you attended camp, you worked at Muskoka Woods. We’re associated with that whole camp world, but I want you to use that as an example. How do experiences like summer camp help shape some of this problem mindset, moving to possibilities mindset, helping kids imagine a future that they really want to live into and don’t just see the obstacles in their way? How might these type of experiences play into that journey for young people?
[00:27:24.300] – Speaker 1
I love that. It actually brings up a memory, a very specific memory that I had going to this really cool camp. It was the newest camp in Manitoba, where I grew up. I now call Calgary home, but it was called Cedarwood. I remember, what weeks are you all going? There was a group of friends, and so we had all coordinated the weeks. But somewhere, I didn’t get the memo that everyone was requesting to be with certain people. When we got there and a bunch of us had carpooled, I was the only one in our group that wasn’t in a cabin with a friend or a teammate, and a bunch of them got placed together, so I felt very left out. And I just remember being crushed and devastated. I was like, this is going to be the worst week ever. I have no friends. I’m all by myself. And thankfully, my camp counsellor, her name was Carla. She poured into me in such a big way, but I think I could have missed all of the joy in the week had all I focused on of what wasn’t working. And I wouldn’t have had the language to be like, oh, I actually made the shift and be like, Okay, well, if I am here, I’m going to make the most of it.
[00:28:33.000] – Speaker 1
So I’m not going to sit on the sidelines with my arms crossed having a pity party. I didn’t get placed with my friends. I didn’t even go back and ask. I remember just this shift in a moment that was like, Okay, you weren’t placed with your friends. You definitely feel left out. This sucks. And there was moments throughout the week where I felt lonely and it didn’t feel good. But I just remember being like, Okay, so now what? Are you going to let this ruin and derail your one week at this incredible camp that’s got boats and water activities and cool playgrounds and capture the flag? Are you going to have that pity party on the sidelines? Are you going to be open to adventure? And so I would just encourage people to, you got to process the disappointment, the heard the frustration. But then you can ask your brain, and I always say this, Stop asking why me? Because I think we want to rationalise. And I think we don’t always get the answer to why me. I remember when I was getting bullied in high school, Why me, mum? Why am I the one?
[00:29:30.000] – Speaker 1
My mum would always be like, God’s just refining and shaping your character. I was like, My character is just fine, mum. This sucks. I hate it.
[00:29:38.620] – Speaker 2
I’d rather not be shaped this way. Totally.
[00:29:41.900] – Speaker 1
Even as adults now, you’re learning a hard lesson financially where you made a bad investment or you didn’t save enough or all these things. You’re like, Why does this keep happening to me? I know from lived experience, I don’t think we always get the answer to why. A really powerful question that you can teach kids is, so now what? All right. That’s the radical acceptance piece, and I think that’s the hard part is that we fight radically accepting where we’re at. When we don’t radically accept things in a swift manner, we waste time spinning and churning in what I would call the suffering, or you’re just lugging your suitcase of suffering everywhere. And it’s like, imagine you could go for a walk and you could go for a walk with nothing on, or you go for a walk and lug a 50, 75-pound suitcase. What’s going to be a heck of a lot easier? Going for the walk without this suitcase of suffering. So when you’re like, Man, I’m just going to radically accept that this is the situation when we got the diagnosis. Like, your son is dying, there’s no treatment, no cure. I spent a lot of time in why me, but I also very quickly then moved to, so now what?
[00:30:49.680] – Speaker 1
Because I was staring at death in the face, and so I knew I didn’t have a lot of time to waste. And I think we just think we have all this time. And I think that perspective of If this is all I got, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, you live a little bit different.
[00:31:04.960] – Speaker 2
At Muskoka Woods, we collect confidence stories throughout the week. To me, those are just narratives around your question of what worked today, this week. I think playing on a sports team, going on a school trip, being at summer camp, all these extracurricular activities, sometimes parents parents can miss. It isn’t just about the activity itself. It’s what it can do to build in some of these confidence stories of things that they’ve tried, how they’ve stepped out. I think a lot of those, if I think back to my childhood and if I was doing what worked at the end of my day, if my parents had that language at the time, so many of my stories would have been around these other things that I’ve been doing. And lifelong looking back what worked I point to those things like summer camp and other things like that. So it was an encouragement to parents, we can be involved in having these conversations. But how do we encourage kids to get outside of the confines of our homes and some of the small worlds that they live in to try new things and get exposed to different experiences and people along the way to help build some of this so they actually see how their life is being shaped by the things that they’re experiencing as well.
[00:32:29.600] – Speaker 2
So I think that definitely feeds into that as well.
[00:32:33.340] – Speaker 1
And that’s why I think you’ve nailed it on the head of just all these other experiences. Can you get them on a team? Can you get them at camp? Who else is pouring into them? I always talk to my clients about who has a seat at your table. And I think for our kids in that generation, I’m looking for my kids who has a seat at their table. I want to give them everything, but often they don’t want to learn it from me. I think they learn it from also their teachers and their coaches and other family friends. And so being really aware of who has a seat at your table and what you are consuming. Because I’ve started a little bit shifting the music that I listen to in my car, and it’s so funny. My daughter, I listen to audible books often and whenever I get into the car and I’m driving my daughter to her sport, Mel Robbins’s Let Them Theory was playing. And so the first little bit would play until I’d go and switch the song. But my daughter now is like, Mum, mum, you just You just need to let them.
[00:33:31.600] – Speaker 1
Just let them, mum. Let them be rude. Let them be mean. And it’s so funny because when I first was listening to the book, I didn’t think much of it. But those 10, 20 second clips, now my daughter’s implementing that. It’s like, what are you listening in the car with your kids? What’s the language of the lyrics? I’ve been conflicted because I like some music where I’m like, oh, actually, I like the beat of the song, but I don’t know if the lyrics are that good. When we talk about who has a seat at your table and what are you consuming, that’s the people around you, the things that you listen to, music, podcast, books, all of that has impact. I just know that these small little decisions actually have massive impact. It’s not just the big decisions. It’s just those tiny little daily decisions about how we feel our body or who we pick up the phone and talk to. Are your kids hearing you have rude conversations and gossip behind back? Are they hearing you call friends and encourage them while you’re in the car driving? Those little things have It’s a bad, massive impact, and I’m seeing it in real-time with my own kids, and it’s wild.
[00:34:36.270] – Speaker 1
So get around good people. Get around people that you look at and you’re like, Man, I want to slice that. I feel so fortunate because we have some incredible friends who I’m just in awe of. I know when my kids are with them, they’re helping them become better humans.
[00:34:50.840] – Speaker 2
I want to pivot back to thinking about adults, us, leaders, the roles we play as adults in our lives. One author who I’ve read has said, and leadership person has said, The best gift we can bring to others we lead is a well self. I think that’s true as parents, as all the roles and hats we play as adults. I know joy is such an important part of everything you do. I want to touch on that again as it pertains to leadership and being healthy, thriving adults. You equip leaders with tools for navigating uncertainty, stress, burnout, tech advancement, the relentless demands of our ever-changing world with a renewed sense of joy. And a lot of us deal with all of those things. So how can we find joy amidst what sometimes feels like a grind in our lives?
[00:35:49.500] – Speaker 1
You said it exactly. And I was like, What book was that? Because I want to go read that or have it on my Audible. The best gift we can give to others is a well self. I was working with a group and I led a session. I made it up in real-time, which seemed so ridiculous, but now living it out in my own world, it’s something that I’m so focused on. And I know the importance of it because when I am coaching or when I’m giving a keynote, it’s not just the hour that I give a keynote. Everything that happens up until that moment on stage has such impact. And it’s the same in our homes. It’s whatever job you have, whatever profession, business, career, parenting thing, friend thing. When we bring the best version of ourself, that’s how we get the best results. And we don’t get great results from burnt out, exhausted, tired, overwhelmed. And all of those are a choice. And I was at my friend’s book launch. She launches this beautiful book of poems, her name’s Josie Belka, and she had some really cool stuff. And I was just like, Josie, you just used to be, and I don’t mean just, you were a year ago a radio host, and you didn’t have all these other demands.
[00:37:03.620] – Speaker 1
Now all of a sudden, you wrote this book, you’re about to become a New York Times best seller. You’re planning, wedding, all these things. I said, How are you navigating it all? Because people look at my life and they’re like, How are you doing it all? It’s so full and so chaotic. I’m really great at outsourcing and being really strategic that way. But she says, Having a full schedule doesn’t have to be stressful. Having all of these things, you don’t have to be overwhelmed. I think a lot of people, overwhelm is a choice. And it’s how we’re looking and viewing at that and to not look at it with overwhelm and exhaustion and then like, oh, my gosh, I’m so anxious and there’s so much. And is you need to be well. You need to be healthy. And that’s got to start with your brain health, because if you have a healthy brain, you are able to make better choices. And so I’ve had people be like, oh, so you’re getting your mother-in-law to watch your kids so you can go work out or just criticising or making comments that you could spin negatively. I’m like, yeah, that is what I’m going to go do, because I can’t bring the best version of myself if I’m not healthy, if I’m not well-rested.
[00:38:10.840] – Speaker 1
And yes, I still get exhausted and tired. I still get burnt out. But I have tools and strategies in place. And I have like, these are the minimum thresholds of what I know I need to do. I know how I need to eat. I know how much movement I need. And if you can get over the fact that it isn’t selfish, that you leaving for an hour, and that might even just be self-regulation. We were on a family trip and I was just like, it was for my sister-in-law’s wedding and there’s all these things. And I was just told my husband, I was like, I’m going to need some time for me to just self-regulate because I have a window of tolerance And then eventually you’re out of that window of tolerance. And so I didn’t look at it as selfish or I wasn’t being accommodating or I wasn’t being helpful. I looked at it as for me to continue to show up and help serve others well and be present and enjoy this. It was okay that I removed myself for a couple of hours so I could fill up my own cup. But I think we tell ourselves a story that then limits us from going to work out or spending a little bit extra money on healthy food or whatever it is.
[00:39:10.600] – Speaker 1
And I would just encourage people, take care of yourself and you will be able to take care of others better.
[00:39:16.140] – Speaker 2
And as I know you’ve phrased, that is the hard work of joy, right? You have to press into that. You have to make those choices.
[00:39:25.260] – Speaker 1
I would offer people this, the way that we fuel ourselves has such impact. And if you start to think about how will this affect, and this again, work comes from Dr. Amen, so I can’t take credit for it. But what he shifted in me was how I actually feel and show up for myself, because now when I’m eating my salad at lunch, and I often eat the same dang salad, and it’s really boring. But I literally picture the vegetables being the thing that keeps my brain healthy. I picture the vegetables, I’m literally injecting fuel into my body so I can show up well. When I really want a sweet treat or just that quick fix, I literally go, Is that the thing that’s really going to feel me? It might feel me for the first 10 minutes, but is it going to be the thing that crashes me? And I’m not trying to say, If you look at me, I don’t eat perfect. I have cellular on my legs. I still love ordering French fries. That’s a weakness of mine. I think I could call myself a French fry connoisseur, but it just starts to shift like, man, I just need a little treat.
[00:40:27.900] – Speaker 1
In the afternoon, I’m reaching for a green not for a can of pop. And the small little things that might not seem significant are actually really significant. And if you can look at how am I feeling myself? Like picture yourself as a vehicle and then going to the pump and what fuel you’re putting in, it will shift your small daily habits.
[00:40:47.280] – Speaker 2
It’s really good. I’m with you on the French fries, just as a side note. That’s the one thing I’ve told my wife, Amber. It’s like, I can give up all this other stuff, but choosing to have the salad instead of the fries is a really hard shift for me, so I can resonate with you. But back to amazing, so encouraging, Jess. As we wrap up the conversation today and like, man, 40 minutes has flown by, what are some resources, opportunities, things that can help parents nurture unlimited possibility mindsets in their kids?
[00:41:22.500] – Speaker 1
Anything Dr. Daniel Amen does, I mean, I honestly, I feel like I should be a rep for him because I mean, his has changed my life, changed how I showed up. But he wrote a really good book on Raising Resilient Children, Dr. Becky Good Inside. That’s taught me a lot about looking for the best in my kids. And I think a lot of that is just what are we choosing to see and how we can reframe and shift our perspectives. Just be mindful. And it doesn’t have to be these big ways that you all of a sudden change overnight. Just start making small little shifts, a few more steps or changing what you’re listening in your car. Like I said, I love those resources. And then I would just say, get connected around other people who are raising great kids. That’s one of the simplest things that you can do. And look to see how the kids are showing up. And I have some older friends who just have these incredible, well-raised, resilient, well-rounded, kind, caring, amazing humans. And it’s like, spend time with them, go take them out for lunch and just learn what they’re doing because that has such an impact in how we show up.
[00:42:34.840] – Speaker 1
And I would just say, because maybe your kid is struggling or because it’s really difficult, it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure as a parent or that you’re missing the mark. Just get curious. And that has been a big shift for me because I used to be like, I suck at a parent or I’m ruining, I’m failing. I think now not telling myself that story has shifted in how I show up and just been, okay, what can I do differently? How can I better walk alongside my kids? And I’m still getting it wrong, but I feel like I’m able to bounce back and to be able to access better thoughts because I’m healthier. Go to parenting conferences. There’s so many opportunities to keep learning. I said, be a lifelong learner and be open to change and possibility. And then be conscious about the time that you spend with your kids because I’m seeing it in real time. That time matters.
[00:43:22.440] – Speaker 2
For those listeners who are wanting to track, it’s danielamenmd.com. D-a-n-i-e-l-a-m-e-n-m-d. Com. And you might want to start with his book Raising Mentally Strong Kids. If you’re a parent and this topic interests you, and obviously, go check out jessicajanzen.ca for all the resources you have. If any of you are out in the Alberta area, you might want to tap into Jess or anywhere, really on that level. Yeah.
[00:43:54.020] – Speaker 1
I list all the podcasts. I have those all on my website, and they’re not definitely kid-focused. They’re grief-focused Loss focus, joy focus. But I’ve got a bunch of resources. We’re trying to always update. It’s a challenge because they run a really small lean team. But also feel free to reach out. And I list events where I’m speaking. I don’t have anything that’s public facing in Ontario. But if I do, it’ll be off on my website. So you can check back there for regular updates. And then again, I’m always happy to connect, whether it’s a coaching call or people are looking for a speaker that focuses on joy and resiliency. That’s all on my website. And I just say, if you are in a dark season, I have so much evidence of being able to get out of it. And if you can make peace with that, it’s not just done. I’ve made peace that joy is a journey, and I get to weave it into my story and that life is just a series of solving problems. So if you’re in a season right now that feels really heavy and really dark, let my story of a lot of the messes and the ways that I’ve gotten it wrong or missed the mark or have failed and had to get back up again.
[00:45:03.440] – Speaker 1
Let that be a lesson that if you make peace with the problem solving, you’ll be able to access joy on the regular because you won’t spend time beating yourself up about why you’re facing the problem. You’ll be able to pour your energy into overcoming the problem or the barrier of the challenge and to bring joy into that. Because if I can have a dance party in my son’s hospital room while he is days away from dying, I think that we can overcome the hard things at work or at school or that our kids are navigating. So keep going. You are far from done.
[00:45:36.880] – Speaker 2
Jess, as always, this conversation has been encouraging, insightful, inspiring. Thank you for your time today and for the work that you continue to do and what you invest yourself into. You are definitely shaping those people around you and all the families and kids, including your own, that you’re part of. So thank you again for what you and for your time today. We’ll have to see if we can make it a hat-trick for a third episode.
[00:46:04.340] – Speaker 1
Let’s go for it. Listen to the episode, share it with your friends, share it with the other parents, and then maybe Chris will bring me back, or maybe I’ll have to fly out there in person and we’ll do an in-person episode, Chris.
[00:46:14.600] – Speaker 2
At Muskoka Woods.
[00:46:15.740] – Speaker 1
Yes, yes. And then we’re going to lead the adult summer camp. I literally think that this is- I knew you were going to bring that up, Jess.
[00:46:22.630] – Speaker 2
Yes. You and I will talk about that. Parents listening, if you would like to be part of the summer camp at Muskoka Woods that Jess is going to plan.
[00:46:29.730] – Speaker 1
It’s It’s not for the kids, it’s for the parents. Could you imagine?
[00:46:32.280] – Speaker 2
Exactly. Yes.
[00:46:33.760] – Speaker 1
Send in your interest. Chris has the evidence and the data. You leave your kids back at home with the grandparents or some other caregivers. Then imagine parents get to go for a week and just go have fun, and you don’t have to worry about the meals or what activities you just show up, and you have this awesome counsellor leader that’s going to take you through. That, for me, is joy on steroids. I’m down for it. Send your emails to Chris. He’ll help plan it.
[00:46:56.960] – Speaker 2
Amazing. Well, thanks, Jess. Looking I’m looking forward to seeing how that shapes out. But thanks again for your time, and maybe we’ll see you again soon.
[00:47:05.920] – Speaker 1
Thanks, Chris.
[00:47:11.460] – Speaker 2
Well, that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I’m already buzzing from all the stuff Jess had to offer. If you want to keep the conversation going or maybe you’re interested in another guest or topic we’ve heard on the podcast, well then head over to muskokawoods.com where you’ll find a blog post for every episode full of highlights, key takeaways, and a link to listen again. You’ll even find our previous episode with Jess while you’re looking. While you’re there, explore more about how Muskoka Woods is creating life-changing experiences for young people. Don’t forget to subscribe and share, and we’ll catch you next time.
